Beloved Siblings,
As we begin this season of growth, the task is not so much what we give up but rather is much more what we take up. Considering the state of the world, what I believe we most need to take up is the knowledge of how to cope with these difficult times. We can leave reactivity behind and take up carefully chosen words and actions. To that end I would remind you of a book that we studied some years ago: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. What follows is a tiny bit from that volume.
The first thing to remember is that the words we choose can help or hurt. When the words are delivered in second person, this is equally true. All statements of judgment are best delivered from one’s own experience of feelings received from the environment. For example, “I am feeling happy because of my experience of your presence,” instead of “You make me happy.” That is especially so in the negative.
Positive communication is more likely to happen when a person can clearly state observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Misunderstanding and hurt is more likely when we proclaim judgment, deny responsibility, or demand (attention, service, or product). Empathy before we speak is very helpful because we then can imagine how our words might be taken if they had been delivered from someone else to oneself. It is good to remember that perfect communication is rare, and it is important to keep on trying.
When we make a request, we do well when our words are clear, positive, concrete (to reveal desire). For clarification of the communication process, it is good to let the other person to reflect back the request. Finally express gratitude if and when the request is followed with the desired action. When a request is made from another, a response in empathy is helpful. How would I feel about this if I were making the request? My typical response to a demand is likely submission, rebellion, judgement, resentment, or guilt.
“Never underestimate the power of kindness. Even just smiling at someone may brighten up their day. Be kind. Life is wonderful.” Brooke Griffin
Along with kindness, another important concept is respect. In other words, when we are in the presence of another human being, as the Gospel says, we are to see in them the face of Jesus. “As is done to the least, so it be done to Jesus.” Every person deserves respect because each of us is a creation of the Divine. What of the works of the Divine’s hand is not to be cherished? We are not called to trust, for that is based on experience. We are called to respect, for that is based on essence.
Love is patient;
Love is kind;
Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
It is not irritable or resentful;
It does not rejoice in wrongdoing,
But rejoices in truth.
It bears all things,
Believes all things,
Hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
So, as this Lent begins, let us find ways in which to communicate our feelings
clearly without judgment of others. Let us find ways to make our requests just
that, a request with no pressure on the other to comply. Let us trust the Holy
Spirit to give guidance to others. Let us find ways to respect others and their
freedom to choose. When we are treated so as to feel belittled, bullied, or even
abused, let us find the strength to be clear about our own personhood. Let also
be assured that we don’t have to (should not) complete demands that are against
our personhood or the personhood of others. We have no need to comply with
demands that go against our values or the teachings we have from the Gospels.
Further there is strength in numbers. Find others who will join in the resistance to
that which is not what Jesus asks. Rest assured that the Holy Spirit is there to
guide us and comfort us in these times. The Holy Spirit will give us what we need
in order that prophetic witness can be made when necessary.
We are examples of God’s beloved Creation. May we be given strength to so live
this Lent and always.
Ron Nuss-Warren, OEF