On this first Sunday of Advent, I am called to reflect a bit.
I have to admit that this political season has been hard for me. I am weary of it all. The pandemic, racism, … too, of course. At my Episcopalian church, we are reading “A Weary World: Reflections for a Blue Christmas”, by Kathy Escobar. The main title really resonates with me. And it will be a pretty blue Christmas, too. Of course we’ll make the best of it, as we just did with Thanksgiving here in the US, but I suspect it’ll be pretty blue for most.
Escobar calls for us to be honest with how we are doing as we go through Advent. She promises that this journey will be raw, not terribly pleasant. (She notes that if you are having a joyfully wonderfully time then this is probably not the Advent book for you!) But that we need to do this, together, if we are to heal. And she also believes it will be filled with hope.
Hope. There’s a word that I need now. I read the above words when I was deeply in the throes of worries about the post-election process in particular. And I came up for air a bit, started seeing some light. That I could be worried and weary and yet hopeful as well was a revelation and a profound relief which I could feel throughout my body.
This season reminds me very much of what I was going through this time last year. You may remember that our daughter Emma was hospitalized for psychosis in the fall, coming out of that and back to herself right before Thanksgiving, and came to live with us, where she’s been ever since. Although I was greatly relieved at the progress she had made, still I knew that there were difficult times ahead, much of the woods were (and are) still be to negotiated. The uncertainty of it all, like today, was a potent force. I was at the same time “perfectly fine, perfectly terrified”.
And waiting in that state is difficult. But it is exactly what we are called to do this time of year. Wait. “Keep awake”, Jesus says. It feels like I have been keeping awake for a long time. With no idea what will come. Like many of us, I’m weary.
But filled–filled!–with hope. With the sure knowledge that God is with me, with all of us, with all of his creation as we wait and stay awake.
God, keep granting us the grace that it takes to get through these times. You know how much we need it.
Peace & All Good,
brer bruce james